Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
