Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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