i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
