Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
