You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
