I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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