We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
