I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
