hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
