So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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