take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
