I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
