Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
