friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
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