We're facebook friends in real life
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
