he shaved USA in his pubs
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
