theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
