Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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