I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
