how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
