I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
