I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Randomize
