Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
