I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
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