Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
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