bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
