i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
