his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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