I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
