I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
