The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
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