Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
