I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
so much tequila, so little girl.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
