I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
And then my night got REAL pukey
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
