Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
