That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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