the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
