Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
