Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
