True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
