I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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