For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
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