Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
