omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
