Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
im holly from the hills drunk
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
