I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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