Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
