I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
i used baking grease as lip gloss
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
