Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
