Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
as a side note pls kill me
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
